2 Broke Girls And the Pop of Invasion
by caramel drizzle
Summary: Caroline plans a fun vacation for Max, Deke, and herself, but when the whole diner crew invade things go awry. Meanwhile, Deke gets up the courage to pop the question.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. All rights go to Michael Patrick King and Whitney Cummings.

For: Sour Waffles

Note: "Chárti. Chreiazómaste éna chárti" means "we need a map."

"O, edó, edó" means "oh, here, here."

* * *

2 Broke Girls And the Pop of Invasion (part one)

"Well, we're out of toilet paper," Caroline frowns coming out of the bathroom. "The last roll went down the drain, you know, kind of like my life."

Max rolls her eyes while grabbing the step ladder. She goes up to the top shelf to retrieve coffee filters.

"Use these," Max says tossing them down.

"Using coffee filters for whipping? That's where I'm at?"

The brown-haired woman climbs back down and puts the ladder away. Caroline sighs heavily, but her roommate chooses to ignore it. Caroline sighs again, more loudly, and this time Max goes over to her with fake concern. "What's wrong?"

"Do you actually care?"

"No, but I feel like you're going to tell me anyway."

Caroline plops down on the couch.

"Right. When was the time we got out of here?"

"I don't know."

"Exactly, we need to do something fun. Like a vacation. I have great planning skills. Did someone say, "Caroline finally living in back up in the Mykonos?"

"No."

She keeps her smile and playfully jabs Max on the leg and her natural reaction is to swat her hand away.

"You're crazy," Max declares.

"Me?" Caroline asks, pointing at herself. "I'm crazy for wanting to go on vacation?"

She nods, "That's like the definition of crazy. I also would like to know who is paying for this."

"Well…"

* * *

"So you're kind of like…using me?" Deke inquires with a confused expression, sitting down on one of the diner stools.

"Not kind of, we are," Caroline smiles. "But you would come too, or course."

"I don't know."

"Come on, Deke. It will be amazing. I even made an itinerary."

"So you're not fun in Greece either," Max responds.

Sophie pops her head up out of the serving window. Oleg also pops his head out and puts it near hers. "We're going to Greece?"

"No we're…"

Sophie cuts Max short, "We're going to Greece!"

"Sophie, this was actually just supposed to be the three of us."

"And there will never be a fourth," Max grins referring to her roommates decaying love life. She crosses her arms, still in protest regardless of her wise cracks.

"Come on, you won't even know we're there," the polish woman pleads.

"Trust me, we will," Deke adds.

Oleg slaps on a look of happiness and nods to Sophie as if they're having a conversation with their minds. He exits the kitchen to go towards the group with his pants on the ground. Max and Caroline look away in honor. "That's perfect since the statute of limitations is up on that New York thing."

"Then it's settled. We're going!" Sophie cheers. "I'll go pack the rest of my hair."

Sophie sprints out of the door with Oleg in toe trying to pull his pants back up. Caroline waits for the door to close before starting the conversation back up again. Max moves to sit near Deke.

"Well, this is a disaster!" she exclaims.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Max bites. "Weren't you the one that said, "Let's go to Greece! It'll be amazing!"?"

"First off; great Caroline impression," Deke smiles. "Secondly, I can't believe I'm being taken advantage of. The only person I want to take advantage of me is Max. In the sheets, that is."

* * *

The next day Max comes out of her room with her one black suitcase wheeling behind her. She props it up on the counter and turns around. Caroline's eight bags crowd up the living room. She then comes out of the bathroom to add a ninth.

"What the hell is all of this?"

Caroline answers, "My luggage. I need to be prepared."

"You're broke. How many items could you possibly have?"

"Oh, no," she laughs. "I only have two bags. The rest are all empty."

"Why?"

"For all the extra stuff your boyfriend is buying me. I need somewhere for it to go."

"You would think after six years of you being poor you would have stopped being so selfish," Max observes as she clears the couch of her bags.

"I'm not being selfish, Max. It's called opportunity."

"Well, when you put it like that," Max replies, full of sarcasm.

The blonde goes over to her friend on the couch. "What's the point of having a rich boyfriend if he doesn't buy you nice things?"

"Deke buys me nice things. Remember all of that jewelry you took?"

"They weren't your style. I was helping."

Max shoots Caroline a blank stare, clearly not amused, but she shakes it off and continues to talk. Not that she wouldn't have anyway.

"You're going to have fun and you're going to thank me. Like I said before, when I see an opportunity I take it."

"You think you have me all figured out, but what you don't know is that Deke and his money have a limit."

"You told him not to buy me stuff?" Caroline questions, her dismayed tone ringing through the room like a house phone.

"No, I told him not to buy you _everything._ "

"Fine. I can pull back," she inhales. "What's my limit?"

"Five thousand dollars."

"Five _thousand_ dollars? That's it?" she asks receiving a slow nodding motion from Max. "You can't buy anything with five thousand dollars!"

"Oh, I'm sure you'll think of something."

"This vacation is going to suck."

"I know."

* * *

"Sophie we have enough pictures. Can we just get on the damn plane?" Max groans resting her arms on the top of her suitcase.

"Seriously, we don't want all the memory used up before we even get there," Caroline explains.

"Your right," Sophie nods putting the camera back into her purse. "I should wait to take pictures of myself down at the beach!"

"That's not necessarily…"

"Come on. Let's go already!" Sophie yells.

They make their way down to the metal detectors. Caroline catches sight of the waiting line and almost passes out.

"I still don't see why we couldn't take the private jet."

"We could have," Max starts, looking over at Sophie. "But _someone_ just _had_ to insult the woman flight attendant!"

"I just asked for the name of her plastic sergeant. It's not my fault she got all mad."

"Sophie, you implied that she was fake," Caroline spoke.

"Well, isn't everybody fake to a degree?"

Collective murmurs emit from the group. Minuets tick by slowly as they start to inch up the line. Once they hit the metal detectors, Deke glares at the guard staring down Max. Not wasting another minuet, he pushes ahead of her causing Max to have to walk to the female guard. While doing so a clear amused smile is stuck on her face.

"I'm watching you," Deke snaps.

One of the guards whips Sophie's luggage onto the conveyor. She notices the action right way. "Hey watch that bag. It has my special toys in it."

"What special toys?"

"Oh, you know what toys."

Sophie goes through the detector and it goes off. She steps back and goes through a few more times with the same results.

"Miss, you may have to take your earrings off."

"No way, these took hours to put on," she frowns picking up her bags.

Caroline is next and goes through with no problems at all. "See, Sophie. If you…"

"We don't have nine years, Caroline. In and out!" she yells.

Max and Deke glance at each other trying their best not burst into laughter. Max steps through, but sounds the alarm.

"Um-Hum, what is it?"

She pulls out her travel flask and hands it to the woman.

"It helps with the turbulence," she explains cheekily.

"Um-Hum. Next!"

While Max mourns the loss of her travel flask over near the rest of the group, Deke takes his turn sliding in and out. When he doesn't go off the male guard from before scowls, "Full body search!"

Oleg is the last of them to go and, of course, he has to make it memorable. When he goes off, he refuses to give up his cigarettes. Four security men have no choice but to tackle him down causing passing pedestrians to judge from afar.

"Go on without me," he says, reaching up dramatically.

"Ok," Caroline shrugs.

She's about to walk the other direction until Max pulls her back. "Stay."

Caroline turns back around and pouts like a baby, "This is what I get for suggesting vacation."

* * *

Caroline starts to pace back and forth in front of the others that are sitting in the spacious, open airport terminal.

"You seriously don't know how to act at the airport?"

"Hey, I act how I want, baby!" Sophie exclaims, getting a tad offended.

"Relax, Caroline. They're giving us a redo after we all calm down," Max speaks up.

"Yes, a redo," she whispers. "What are we, five?"

"I'm a lot bigger than five," Oleg smirks.

"See, that's the kind of behavior we don't want."

"We can't help who we are," Deke points out.

"Well, for the next ten minutes try to be like me."

"So, annoying and flat-chested," Max motions. "Got it."

Sophie raises her hand. "I might have to go to the bathroom. Yeah, because that'll take a lot of tape and time."

"All I have to do is be annoying," Deke laughs while giving Oleg a high five.

"Oh, good. You already started," she huffs plopping down.

Max pats her friend in comfort. "You seem really tense," she goes into her pocket. "Would you like to borrow my flask?"

Caroline snatches it, opens it, and guzzles it down with a satisfied sigh at the end. She then hands it back to her. Max clutches it and looks at Caroline with wide eyes. "Damn it, that was supposed to last until we got there."

"I was hoping that would be fruitier."

"I don't know what you were expecting bringing them along."

"I'm trying to create memories. _Good_ ones that I can look back on and tell my children."

"Well, that's…"

"Max, please don't. I'm hurting."

Just then, Han comes in through the double doors wearing pilot apparel. He walks up to the group and doffs his cap. Everybody glances over starting to giggle. He shrugs it off and smiles anyway feeling as though nothing could ruin his jubilant mood.

"I heard someone was having plane problems."

* * *

"Hey everybody!" Sophie yells climbing off the jet. "I'm in the frickin' Mykonos!"

Caroline laughs as she motions for them to gather around her. Deke jumps down and extends a hand for Max. "Ooh, such a gentleman," she smiles whilst grabbing it.

"Nice place. Good work, Caroline," Oleg nods, descending. He waits for Han to waddle out before picking him up and setting him back on the ground.

"I have made an itinerary."

"Caroline, come on. We don't need that," Deke sighs.

"Yeah, besides Deke and I wanted to check out Vinos."

"Oleg and I have some steamy stuff to take care of," Sophie winks. "And doing it in Greece is on my bucket list. Yeah, right after doing it in a Denny's."

"I've done it in Denny's," Max recalls. "Not a lot of room, though. I prefer Pizza Hut."

"Plus they got those cushy booths," Sophie adds producing a nod from Max. "I love that!"

"This is supposed to be a bonding experience," Caroline whines.

"I got that covered," Oleg beckons. "We have a session with Princess Donna."

Max shakes her head while Caroline starts to feel nauseous. The latter looks around after a brief pause and shouts with realization, "But that leaves me with Han!"

Han projects an offended expression over at Caroline's direction, which she chooses to omit. He finally throws his hands up. "I don't need it!"

"Alright, relax. We'll meet up later," Max suggests.

The two couples run off before Caroline had any more words on the subject. Han awkwardly smiles going over to her. "I will follow the itinerary."

"Thank you, Han," Caroline beams, but suddenly her pleased reaction melts off. "It's just that this took a lot of time and effort, you know, and for once I would like my skills to be valued and not ridiculed. Just because I might not be as…"

She looks up from her rant to see Han had been inching further and further away with every word and was now long gone.

"Typical."

She turns around to collide with a tall, handsome employee carrying a juice tray. She automatically goes into flirt mode and starts to twirl her hair with her fingers. Then man lets out a small laugh then hands her a blood red drink in a frosted glass.

"I changed my mind. I like it here."

* * *

It was meeting time, but Caroline did not seem to care. While she was off with her new potential suitor, the rest of them were sitting around a table in Nikos Taverna surrounded by beautiful while carved buildings where other tables lined a finished stone paved walkway.

"Where is she?" Max asks. She leans off Deke to check the time on her phone. "It's noon."

"Well, if she doesn't have to be here why do we, because I have plans!" Han exclaims. "With a girl."

"Well, we wouldn't want to keep the ladybug waiting," Max snickers.

Deke shares in the laughter adding a high five for good measures followed by everyone else. Han just shrugs and gives her one too. "If you can't beat them, join them."

Caroline rushes up to them with messed up hair, ten minutes late. Her outfit wrinkled and her makeup all over the place. She straightens out her dress the best she can. "Sorry I'm late," she apologizes in between breaths.

"You dirty little slut," Max declares.

Caroline furrows her eyebrows in confusion. Max lifts up her phone for her to look in. Once she catches sight of her sex hair and bruised lips, her cheeks turn crimson as she tries to smooth out the tousled strains.

"Don't judge me."

"Oh, we're already judging, girl," Sophie smirks with a long drawn out motion.

She sits down in the vacant chair reserved for her. She then gazes up and notices their eyes boring into her soul like a python. "What?"

"Well, who is he?" Max inquires breaking the silence.

"Was the sex good?" Oleg chimes in. "On a scale from one to ten mine was fifteen."

"Seven for me," his wife admits which paints an offended look on his face. "What? I have standards."

"I am not talking about sex in public."

Deke sits in his chair and starts playing with his napkin. The others follow suit in light of the current awkward state. The fatal moment is cut short when he decides to be the first to speak up. "While we're talking about sex in public, I give Max a twenty."

"Seven for me," Max admits.

Deke glances over at her mocking the look Oleg earlier.

"What? I have standards."

"We get it. Everyone had vacation sex," Caroline rolls her eyes.

Han raises his hand. "Not true. I didn't."

"Oh, we know."

"Cool, brag Han," Max chuckles.

"Look," Oleg calls out pointing at women surrounded by a large a crowd. "Strippers!"

"They're not strippers, Oleg. They are dancers. A Mykonos favorite."

"Same thing."

"Hey! Stop paying attention to those strippers!" Sophie exclaims.

"Oh, now you're offended. You weren't last night."

"Wait, you hired strippers and didn't invite me!" Han shouts. "Now I'm starting to get mad!"

"Han, they don't let little kids around ecdysiasts," Max retorts.

"I'm thirty-five!"

"Can we stop staying," Caroline lowers her voice. "Strippers? We're in nice place."

"What a prude!" Sophie vociferates. "We can't say _sex_ , we can't say _strippers_. Why not just hollow us out and plant seeds in us!"

A young woman comes up to the table with a cart full of food and gifts. Caroline's eyes go wide at all the fancy accessories.

"Sorry, I can't buy anything," the blonde pouts. "I already reached limit."

"We've been here six hours," Max frowns at her last statement. Deke nods in return, conforming, and she sighs.

"Oh, no. These are gifts."

"In that case we must," she lunges for the most sparkly bracelet and puts it on slowly with ear bursting acceptance. Once she is done with her mini jewelry orgasm, she faces odd expressions.

"Don't judge me."

"Oh, we're already judging, girl."

* * *

"And take another picture of me over here," Sophie says striking another pose.

The camera clicks and more groans admit from the group. Max lowers the camera with a sigh. "Sophie, my arms are tired! That's the fiftieth picture we took."

"Ok, then give it to someone else."

Max turns around and holds out the camera. All of them back away quickly as if she had some disease they did not want to catch.

"Looks like it's you and me."

"Joy," Max grumbles.

"I will pair with Caroline," Han says. "The itinerary is super organized, leaves time for everything!"

"Alright, looks like it's you and me, man," Deke looks to Oleg.

"I want to go to the Minima again," he says, looking at his pocket map. "It's a pretty classy place. No condoms on the floor or anything."

"So, is everyone ok with their partners?" Caroline checks.

"Yes," they all mutters right over Max's, "No."

"Fine," she huffs. "Sophie you and Deke, Oleg you with Han, and Max with me. How is that?"

"As long as you know how to work a camera, I don't care who you are," Sophie says, grabbing the camera from Max and handing it to Deke.

The pairs split up as Caroline pulls out her itinerary. Max rolls her and snatches the paper away from her. She then proceeds to rip it up into microscopic pieces and throws it into a nearby water fountain. She looks at Max with wide eyes.

"Don't look at me like that."

"That took me three hours!"

"We don't need that."

"If we want to see everything, _yes_ we do."

"Well, I don't need a piece of paper telling me what to do. I had enough of that in High School."

"You mean your schedule?"

"Is that what that was?" Max questions. "I thought it was to clean up messes."

Caroline lightheartedly rolls her eyes whilst continues to walk with Max. A few seconds later she stops. "So, where are we going?"

"It was on the itinerary!" Caroline screams, stopping as well.

"No need to get hostile," Max draws back, putting her hands up in defense.

Max inspects the area until coming to a halt at a small stand. She strides up to an older looking man wearing a long floor-length poncho and open-toed shoes.

"Hello, do you sell maps?"

"No," he shakes his head.

"Do you sell itineraries?"

"No."

"Then what do you sell?"

"No."

Caroline rolls her orbs moving Max out of the way to speak to the man.

"Chárti. Chreiazómaste éna chárti," Caroline translates.

"O, edó, edó," he smiles handing her a map.

"You know how to speak Greek?"

"Just a little," Caroline smiles modestly. "I had a language couch when I was six."

"Of course."

She opens the map to scan it. Caroline, aware of her instructions, doesn't really need to look over the map for a place to go; however she does it anyway to add effect. She lands on a specific spot and Max leans over.

"Ooh, let's go to the beach. Beaches are fun."

"No, they're lame," she sighs. "Beaches are bitches."

"We can bring beers."

"Let's go to the beach!"

* * *

"You will not be disappointed," Caroline states, adjusting the strap on her bag. "Elia is one of their longest beaches. Six miles long, very beautiful and pristine. It attracts…"

"Only you can make vacation an all you can yawn fest."

"Sorry, you're right. No more facts."

"Good, now give me a beer."

"Wait until we get down there."

"Ugh, why not just let the tide take me?"

Caroline gives in and goes into her bag for one. While rummaging around for one her hand lingers on the red velvet box. She smiles to herself, looks over to Max, and hands her the beer.

"Here you go."

Max gratefully takes it. "Aw, you brought my favorite kind."

They finally get down to the beach and start to set up all of their equipment. Suddenly, Caroline freezes when she catches a glimpse of Deke snapping, preforming the signal from afar. Still frozen she manages to get out, "Max, can you get me a snow cone?"

"Sure," she shrugs and looks over at the tent. "And look, no line."

For one of the best beaches in Mykonos there was not anybody there. To most people that would strike them as odd, but Max did not even notice. While the snow cone woman was stalling Max with in-comprehensive Greek words for her cash offer, Deke runs down the hill with a folding table. The two of them rush around like headless chickens trying to get everything set up before Max comes back.

Before running to the excited others, she hands the velvet box back to him and whispers, "You can do this."

Max starts advancing towards the table, which gives him a second to pull himself together. Seeing her getting closer he starts to panic. He goes through several different emotions causing him to be so preoccupied he doesn't even notice her presence.

Max drops the snow cone and that snaps Deke out of his trance like state. Like a gentleman, he pulls her chair out.

"Ma 'lady."

"What is all of this?"

He pushes her in and rushes to his seat pushing himself in as well.

"How do you feel about us?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, would you say we're serious?"

Max takes a brief a pause and the action, for a short while, causes Deke to feel taken aback.

"Would _you_ say we're serious?" she counters, feeling slightly perplexed.

Caroline – watching with the others – looks like she's about to explode.

"What is she doing?" she whisper-shouts. "I would kill to be in her situation."

"This is hella awkward," Han replies, stiffly.

"I'm thinking this wasn't a good idea," Caroline sighs.

" _I'm_ thinking about that bread," Sophie chimes in, licking her lips.

" _I_ can't believe we're watching this when we could be doing it near the hammocks like on Tuesday!" Oleg shouts in a quit, raspy tone.

The talking seizes when they catch sight of some one knee action. They all gasp in as Caroline pulls a wad of tissues out of her pocket.

"Max, there's something I have to ask you."

Max looks everywhere else but at the man in front of her. She is in the midst of fighting to form words. When she does she utters, "Deke get up. You're getting sand on your pants."

He ignores the last statement, pulls the velvet box, and opens it. Inside is a beautiful, simple fishtail ring embedded with elegant heart stopping diamonds. Everyone's eyes go wide in anticipation. There is a long drawn out pause before the next sentence.

"Max, will you marry me?"

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. All rights go to Michael Patrick King and Whitney Cummings. In addition, I do not own Toot Braustein or Yakko.

For: Sour Waffles

* * *

2 Broke Girls And the Pop of Invasion (part two)

Everyone's eyes went wide in anticipation. There was a long drawn out pause before the next sentence.

"Max will you marry me?"

A wave of nausea suddenly bares a hit to Max. She leans on the table for support, but when Deke gets up to help her, she pukes all over the ring. The others' features become clouded with horrified and disgruntled reactions by the sight and feeling as if they are all about to hurl too. Caroline finally runs over to the help her.

"Where have you been?" Max asks, breathing heavy with each word.

Caroline coyly points in the direction of Oleg, Sophie, and Han. Max looks over at them waving awkwardly. She glances back over at her. "You knew about this?"

She lightly nods showing clear nervousness to which, in response, Max strides away before any of them could get a word in edgewise.

"Max, wait!" Deke calls, but she is already long up the path.

The two exhale, sitting down at the table. They glance over at where the rest of the group had been standing to encounter a puff of smoke, no doubt made by a hasty departure.

"That was a disaster," he breaths, then proceeding to retrieve wet wipes out of Caroline's purse. "Was it something I said?"

"That is a gorgeous ring, Deke. You did a great job," she sighs. "You know Max—" she pauses in action of trying to think of something quick – "she's always in a hurry to get to…where she's going." After she scowls, her head low, even displeased with her sad excuse herself.

"Great job? My girlfriend vomited—" he pauses to look down at the ring – "what looks like some type of salsa, all over it before she left!"

"Look, Max is not a fan of romance. She pukes on romance, literally."

Deke stands up. "I should probably go see if she's ok."

* * *

"Max, Max!"

Deke gazes around the perimeter before stealthily inching into the suite. Max is laying on their bed curled up in a mountain of blankets. Her head is barely peeking out and to one who did not know any better would say she looked like the abominable snowman, if he liked tropical climates.

"Max, are you ok?"

"It's not Max," she calls. "Max died with her dignity about ten minutes ago."

Deke slowly advances over and onto the bed beginning to gently brushing her hair. She closes her eyes for a beat; however once realization hits, they fly back open clearly trying to fight the tired feeling that lagged by, no thanks to the awful day.

"You still look amazing."

"No I don't. I feel like Toot Braunstein."

They chuckle for a moment then bring it back. Deke pulls out the, now sterilized, ring and hands it to Max.

"It's a beautiful ring, Deke, but I can't marry you."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm…"

Caroline walks in disrupting their conversation. She gives a relieved sigh. "Good, I found you guys. All of us are going to Bakaló. You two coming?"

"Actually, we were just in the middle –"

Max interrupts, "Yeah, we're going. Come on, Deke," she gets off the bed and hands him back the ring.

The two girls leave to join the gang while Deke puts the expensive item back into the sleek, handcrafted, red velvet home where it looks like it is not leaving anytime soon.

"Why do I get the feeling she doesn't want to marry me?"

* * *

Bakaló is located on a stunning patio type area with canopies all around to relax while you enjoy your wine. The waiter comes over right away decked out in a sleek black and white uniform.

"Their uniforms are better than ours," Caroline whispers to Max.

"I know," she nods. "Maybe we should quit the diner, move, and get jobs here."

"You're only saying that so you can drink the good liquor in the back all day."

"See this is why we're friends," Max smiles. "You just get me."

"Can I start you off with one of our fabulous starters?" the waitress, with a nametag that says "Hera", comes over and smiles so brightly one could have gotten blind.

"Yeah, may I go tinkle?" Sophie asks raising her hand. "I drank way too much of this complimentary tea."

"Oh, the tea is not complimentary," Hera gives a nervous laugh. "It is there to convenience you, but you still must pay for it."

"Uh-oh," Sophie whispers. "Could you just…?"

She points to the wall labeled restroom. "It is over there."

Sophie sprints down the hall.

"Just bring me some geranium," Max replies.

When the rest of them order and the server departs Caroline is the first one to open her mouth. The group notices and erupts in groans. "Don't forget, Max. Greek people drink moderately in a public setting."

Max simply rolls her eyes, however, Caroline chooses not to dwell. "I love this charming, upscale vibe. Look at all the art pieces, how pristine. We studied that specific piece in art appreciation class over in Italy way back when. They came out with all these fine works of art and we would comment on them. For instance, their brush strokes, mood, censorship. In addition, it was captivating; it shed light on the fact that galleries can much more than boring walk-around rooms. It is all not just for snotty people and tourists, you know?"

Caroline looks up and sees that none of them had been paying attention. They were all preoccupied by their menus. She sighs with a hint of offense, "Hello, I was talking."

"Maybe I shouldn't order the stuffed squid," Han says. "What is it tastes me back?"

"Oh, we're done with me," Caroline observes.

"Why not? You might finally get some action," Max quips not bothering to cover up her obvious emit to Caroline.

The others think the statement was quite hilarious except for the buzzkill who puts on a somber face. She opens her mouth open wide in shock and says, "I am not being embarrassed again. We are in a nice place. The people you surround yourself with reflects back on you."

"If that's the case we have got to stop hanging out. I don't want people thinking my pants are always in my crack."

Her face burns red while the group, once again, laughs at her expense.

"No more vulgar talk at the table."

"Then what are we supposed to talk about?" Oleg questions.

Just then, Sophie slides back into her seat next to Oleg with a content sigh. "I feel twenty pounds lighter! And my poop resembled Abraham Lincoln!"

"Absolutely not," the blonde whispers. "Sophie just go get more tea."

"Fine, I will!" she shouts, getting up. "Anything to get away from Yakko over there."

"Caroline, you need to relax," Max commands. "We're on vacation."

"I am relaxed!"

"You can't stop telling us what do for ten minutes," Oleg agrees with bellicose nods. "I am a grown man!"

"I may act like one, but I don't look like one," he wiggles his eyebrows.

The polish woman sits back down gracing them with her presence, tea in hand. "It's true and I should know because I see it every day. Sometimes twice."

"That's it!" Caroline shouts.

She forcefully gets up right at the same time the server comes with their food. The force of Caroline pushing her sends food flying into Max and Dekes' lap. The squid lands on the crotch of Hans' khakis and the sight of it causes him to release puke all over Dekes' pocket containing the ring.

"Oh no. I pulled a Max," Han sighs. "How will I ever live with the shame?"

* * *

"I mean, it's not a big deal," Sophie shrugs sitting down on the couch with the phone. "If the stripper has a leg cramp just tell her to, you know, put some ice on it. Ok, bye-bye now."

"I just don't get it," Max exhales from the bed.

"Well, you see," she starts, moving to sit next to her. "The stripper is for –"

Max cringes, "No, not that. Why would Deke want to marry _me_?"

"I can give you three good reasons. Yeah, you're hot, good in bed, and have gigantic nockers."

"What about my personality?"

"Yeah, there's the unimportant stuff too."

Max groans at Sophie and the latter speaks up again. "You can't help who you want to marry. I mean, look at Oleg and I. Me with my hot bod and Oleg with his…well, with his…"

"Yeah?"

"The point is love is love. You can't help it."

"That's actually super helpful Sophie, thanks."

"Yeah, well, I'm more than my hot bod."

Caroline salters in the room with an abnormally giant smile. "Hey, if Sophie's giving advice, I could really…"

"I'm sorry Caroline. Even _I_ can't fix your pathetic self."

"Noted," she nods indignantly. "I have a date with Jayce anyway."

Max wags her eyebrows. "Is that the hot guy from the juice shop?"

"Yes," Caroline grins. "And he owns over half of Athens."

"Glamorous," Sophie adds.

"My mom was chased by police over half of Athens once. She also passed on the "evil eye".

"Why don't you want to marry Deke?" Caroline asks, suddenly. "I mean, he may be a giant goof, but he seems pretty serious about you. He even threatened that guard."

"It's not that I don't want to, it's just because I'm…"

Before Max could finish her though Oleg bursts into the door like a bat out of hell and slams, the door shut, dramatically, in a hurry.

"Has anyone seen my anaptíras?"

* * *

Max and Caroline are hanging outside on the two hammocks while Han and Deke are sitting beside them fanning them.

"A little more to the left," Caroline motions to Han. He shakes his head in annoyance, but still obliges. "That's it."

"Remind me why we're doing this again?" Han asks. "Because my arms are getting tired!"

"Well, we're tired."

"And stressed," Max adds with a flick.

"Why?" Han questions, irritably. "We had to carry all of those damn bags!"

He stops fanning to point over at the pile of bags, mostly Caroline's, which the two of them had to carry from shop to shop.

"Hey, I only have one out of the sixty seven," Max justifies.

"What? I couldn't decide," she explains.

"So, you just had to buy the whole damn store?"

"Don't over exaggerate, Max. It was more like _one third_ of the store."

"Where is Oleg and Sophie?"

As if on cue Sophie struts in wearing her new shades with Oleg is behind her struggling to get the door open from the lack of hands carrying all of Sophies' baggage. He finally manages to get in the door and once in her drops all of the bags near the mountain of other ones.

"I can't feel my arms," Oleg complains.

"Why are you complaining?" Sophie asks. "I'm the one who had to do all the hard work."

"What hard work?"

"Choosing," she says with an obvious tone. "That's why I brought one in every color."

"We also had to stop forty different times for a photo op."

"What can I say? I look good everywhere," the polish woman brags.

"I'm getting a neck cramp," Han grimaces as he puts the fan down to grab his shoulder.

"What is this? National complain day?" Caroline asks with a hint of cynicism.

"Not to mention the child labor laws you just violated making Han do that," Max laughs.

"I don't need it!"

Han walks off, offended, while Deke puts down the fan as well. Max stops smiling to look at him wondering why he stopped. He starts, "I just have to know. Does it have anything to do with my penis? Because, in my defense, I've only been using the enargenexx for three days."

Max sighs as she gets up from the hammock. Everyone's eyes bore into her making the situation more uncomfortable than it already was.

"I can't marry you…"

"Yes?"

"I can't marry you because…"

"Yes?"

"I can't marry you because I'm…"

"Cut to the chase!" Caroline yells.

"I'm not good enough for you," she says all in one hurried breath before quickly running to the door and slamming it behind her to add effect.

"Awkward," Sophie whispers.

* * *

"Do I look good in this pose?" Sophie asks demonstrating. "Or this pose. Or maybe this one."

They all groan "yes" at the table with Max trying her best to fan away her nausea. Caroline gives her a comforting mother-like look, which Max replies with a weak smile clearly trying not to show her obvious disgust.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" the blonde asks, yet again. "Because you were out of there faster than Chris Cristie finding out someone ate the last of his purple bread."

"No."

"Well, I'm here for you."

"Why do you have to be such a girl?" Max contortions. "I told you I'm fine."

"Hey Max!" Sophie calls. "Where's your man toy? He sure is good with the camera!"

"He's back in the room packing."

"Oh yeah, we forgot," Oleg jumps up. "We have to pack up the rest of our butt beads."

"I don't even want to know," Caroline chokes over a gag from Max. "Just hurry back, ok? We need to stay on schedule!"

Han saunters over holding a taller woman's hand, wearing a smirk. "Hello. I just wanted to come over with my _non-_ imaginary girlfriend."

Max chuckles. "How much is he paying you?"

"What?" Han yells with clear offense wrapped around his voice. "For your information; none!"

Han looks to Caroline for a brief moment, which gives the woman time to glance over at Max and whisper, "Fifty."

"Well, we best be going," Han smiles taking her hand. "Later lonely shrews!"

"I am shook."

"Me too. Where did that baby get fifty dollars?"

Caroline catches sight of Deke walking down with his suitcase and almost jumps out of her skin.

"Where's the fire?"

"Why don't you go get the waiter?" she suggests looking around the table in desperation before making a miraculous decision to pick up her fork. "My fork is dirty."

"You just got it," Max points out swiftly.

She hesitates then drops the fork on the ground as if it is hot. She picks it back up and hands it to Max. "See, dirty."

"Ok," Max says with uncertainty, rising. "Are _you_ ok?"

"I'm fine," Caroline bites. "I just wish I didn't have this dirty fork!"

She waits until Max is out of earshot to wave over Deke.

"Hey, I got my suitcase," he pauses. "Why are there butt beads all over the room?"

"Oleg and Sophie," Caroline explains. "Sit, take a load off. We can talk about anything. Your troubles, worries, concerns, the _ring_."

"I was thinking about…"

"Nonsense!" she laughs moving closer. "That ring was expensive. You can't just take it back."

Deke frowns, "I was _thinking_ about of maybe asking again?"

He warily looks at Caroline for approval, but when she scoffs, he goes on. "Bad idea."

"Look, Max isn't like other girls," she reasons. "Wait for _her_ to ask you."

"Are you sure?"

"No I'm not sure!" she yells. "But that's the thing about her. She's unpredictable."

"You're right!"

After Caroline gets Deke all hyped up, Max comes back with the waiter. "It is not easy flagging down a waiter in Greece if you don't speak Greek."

Caroline looks at him as a signal to speak words. On cue, he drops down to one knee once more holding the ring he suddenly produced from his right pocket. Max stares blankly when Deke starts to stall.

"Max we've been dating for a while now and I can't imagine farting in the subway and blaming it on other people with anyone else but you. Marry me."

Caroline starts to wale causing a pool of her tears to drip down her shirt. Still crying she grabs a napkin and starts to blow her nose to which they give no notice. Instead, they turn their focus back to the ring.

"If anything you're too good for me," Deke laughs. "Marry me."

"Of course I'll marry you, Smurf."

* * *

They all relax in the nice comfortable chairs of Dekes' private jet back to Williamsburg, Brooklyn somewhat reluctantly. The only reason Max was on that plane was that Deke was able to score her some bottles of geranium for her way home.

"I'm going to miss Greece," Caroline exhales while lustfully glancing out the window. "And Jayce."

"Am I the only one frightened that we're on a jet that is being flown by an infant?" Max asks, holding on tightly onto her bottles.

"He was super sweet and he gave me free juice," she continues. "I never got to say thank you."

"Didn't you two have sex?" Deke questions.

"Well, yeah."

"Then you already said thank you," Max grins.

"I am in love with tea!" Sophie suddenly exclaims pulling handfuls tea bags out of her purse. "I love it so much, I'm going to go home, put them in my bathtub, and bathe in it."

"Never thought I'd be jealous of tea," Oleg states. "And yet, here I am."

"I would have never worked out though," Caroline smiles as if she is stuck in an on-going time warp.

"Why?" Max asks. "Because you talk _way_ too much?"

"No, because I'm just getting back on my feet with my super successful cupcake business now turned dessert bar and that's alright. There are plenty other fish in the sea."

"Yeah, but your mouth is like a spear gun."

"I know there's someone out there for me," she goes on.

"What about Andy?" Sophie suggests. "He was kind of hot. Yeah, but I'm not sure how he dealt with your big mouth flapping all the time."

"Candy Andy? He's married."

"So? My mom has been married seven times," Max interjects.

"That's true."

"You know, in Poland you can have up to three wives," Sophie nods. "Don't be so American."

"This is all very helpful, however, I am not from Poland and I am not a home wrecker. I'll find a guy."

"Better make sure he's deaf," Olegs' wife quips.

* * *

"It's good to be back!" Caroline exclaims walking into the diner the following day accompanied by Max.

"I agree," the brown haired woman smiles. "I've almost missed the spirits of the people who died here haunting this place."

"How was Mykonos?" Earl asks looking from his bills. "Is it as magical as I remember?"

"Look, Earl," Max beams holding up her hand. "Deke proposed."

"I'm taking that as a no," he shakes his head. "Nothing ruins your life more than marriage. I should know. My third wife took everything I had including the clothes off my back. The only she didn't take is something that's all mine; my good looks."

The girls give a warm smile to Earl before taking off their coats and crossing over to the kitchen. They put the coats on the counter prior to stepping in.

"Aw, Max. This is the first time you've been in the diner since you got engaged."

"You said that on the train," Max laughs. "And then six minutes later also on the train."

"I just thought I would be the first one of us to get married."

"I know. It is weird, but it's unexpected and I like that."

"Now I'm thinking that fortune teller was right. Romance is not in the cards for me, I'm going to die a horrible, no good, loveless life and be stuck with you, your husband, four kids, and Chestnut to grovel."

Max pats her friend in comfort. "You seem really tense," she takes out her go-to out of her pocket. "Would you like to borrow my travel flask?"

Total: $0


End file.
